I made a promise to myself that I'd never break character while I participate on this site, but you know, I feel as though you guys have a right to know what's been going on with me, since I haven't been around and clearly this isn't new, and it's getting old, and you probably hate me for it, I'm sure...
But I can't shake this. You may think that Kingdom Hearts and what I love is just something I love, but believe me when I say it's so much more than that. Ohhhhh so much more. It's probably everything to me. Sora, Riku, Roxas.... they're like people to me who I care about sincerely, and I mean that without trying to act like everyone else who claims it. They really are more than that. It's useless to try to to explain it to anyone else I know [other than good friends] because somehow, believing in people who don't exist is wrong, and it isn't done, simply because someone put the idea out there that you shouldn't believe in things you can't see.
But you know.... it's hard!! I feel stressed everyday about this. It's that "stop wearing your heart on your sleeve" feeling I get, when all I want is someone who understands how I feel, but then I get the feeling that no one does, and so I try to do away with it all. I just feel like the world would be a whole lot better if I was gone, you know.... kind of like someone else we all know here, right? Riku... but how can you stay a Sora in a world so dictated by lies and hopelessness?
I'm not guaranteeing that I'll be able to bring my pride back around to feverishly post entries on this site, but believe me: I'll probably do that "gone for months" trick of mine again, but I WILL NOT LEAVE YOU GUYS BEHIND. All I desperately want is someone to believe in me and reassure me that even though I'm crazy, it's the way I'm supposed to be, not a mistake....
I really do hate writing all this -- but how else would anyone know if I didn't? I'm sorry if I've really upset any of you, and I know for a fact I must've, and I wouldn't be surprised if any of you were bitter because of all this. But I am trying so hard... maybe too hard.
I love you guys.... I do.... I'll keep fighting all this for you, but please don't be mad if I seem to draw back... it's a habit I have to kick and I long to do it, and this isn't really who I am. I won't let these lies keep telling me who I can't be. But I really don't feel an ounce good about who I am, and I guess I'll always have to be fighting with it.
V.D. Mallis, Otherwise Better Known As Roxas, Forever and Always
Subject: Please Read... 
Mon Aug 24, 2009 9:59 am
. dont for get im your look alike and we need to stick together 
