A midnight Stroll

Roxas quietly crept out of the house, barefoot and wearing his favorite pajamas. He was in Destiny Islands on vacation again, visiting his cousin Sora and the rest of his family. So far, Roxas had been having a good time, but Roxas couldn't help miss Twilight Town and the expansion of the city -- still, there was something calming about being around the ocean. Roxas, Hayner and their friends always had a good time when they went to the beach, but Roxas wanted to try something new. He made his way to the beach and sat down, looking at the ocean. The moon's light reflected off the water and made it bright enough to see all around but still concealed the night. Roxas thought a little bit about the strange similarities between him and the night; everyone said that Roxas and Sora had so much in common as far as looks and standards go, but Roxas didn't feel like he could match up to Sora very well. Sora was as bright as the sun, and Roxas was the moon. His light wasn't his own; it was Sora's.

As Roxas breathed in happily, drawing in the salty air, he heard a pair of footsteps behind him. Half-expecting Sora, he turned around with a smile, only to be surprised as Riku sat down beside him, giving him a small smile but otherwise his attention was focused on the water and the atmosphere, just like Roxas. "You like sitting out here too?" asked Riku, his eyes glowing from the moon's light. Roxas looked out at the water, nodding. "I never came outside at night before... it's different than in the morning or afternoon... you know?" Roxas ran his fingers through his hair. He never felt fully at ease around Riku.

Roxas had been trying to hide it, but as Riku spaced out Roxas had been focusing on Riku. Roxas himself had always felt like he was a prisoner inside his mind, but Riku seemed to be so... free. Why couldn't Roxas be like that? All he ever thought about was how much he should be, what he wasn't, and why people didn't like him so much. And yet he hated it when people called him "emo". Was it really his fault? If asked to describe himself, Roxas' mouth would happen but his brain would come to a sudden stop, and there would be nothing. Roxas had no idea who he was, and he didn't know why Hayner and his friend thought he was such a great guy, but yet, Roxas wasn't low enough to walk away and live alone. He needed his friends.

Roxas wouldn't have been surprised in Riku stood up and sprouted wings and flew up into the sky. He could see Sora cheerfully take off himself, but when Roxas jumped he fell back down into the sand, and sat up on his knees as he watched them leave without him --

"I'm not intruding, am I?" Roxas tensed up for a second, then remembered that Riku was still siting beside him. He let out a small sigh, but grinned. "No, you're not bothering me. It's fine." Riku's apologetic smile vanished and was replaced with something that Roxas couldn't put his finger on. Roxas ran his tongue against his teeth; Riku probably figured out that Roxas was upset about something, but Roxas didn't know what Riku would say if he told him about it.

A rush of nervousness came over Roxas, and he wanted to jump up and run away, but Roxas told himself that Riku wasn't just anybody... Sora might not completely understand the feeling, but Riku had been there, and Riku was possibly the only person Roxas knew that could understand. Roxas then realized why everyone thought Riku was so wise. His eyes weren't those of a typically teen, but of those who'd seen the Darkness of life and lived through it. He'd see it, but it wasn't a part of him anymore.

"I'm... I'm not really sure..." Roxas began. His head was swimming with thoughts, too fast for him to grip. His blood was pumping fast again, and he tried his best to talk, though he wasn't sure of what to say. When was the last time anyone had confronted him like this? "It's just... I... I'm not like Sora.." Sora. Sora. Sora. Roxas always compared himself to Sora. But Sora wasn't perfect... but he's still better than me, thought Roxas. "Whenever Sora's sad, everyone knows it. He can tell anyone how he feels, and he's always happy, no matter what. I'm... jeez, I dunno. I just never feel happy about anything. I never felt like I fit in -- " He swallowed down hard. He had never told anyone this. "Everyone fits in somewhere. Everyone loves Sora but I -- I'm not like that. I'm always alone, always on the outside looking in. Being in the organization made me feel like I was a part of something, but I was the youngest and all the older members looked down on me... they... they even babysat me!" He grit his teeth, closing his eyes momentarily, then opened them up again. "A child, that's what I was to them. I'm too old to fit in with my friends, too young to be an adult. I just don't belong anywhere." He looked at Riku to see his expression. Riku was serene, but he could see that Riku looked genuine concerned. He wondered what Riku would have to say about everything he had just blurted out.

Once you guys work out your problems ill join in

His eyes swelled with tears, and instantly he felt his throat constrict, but Roxas was scared. Riku had finally confirmed everything that Roxas felt inside, but Roxas felt a wave of overwhelming serge overcome him than relief. Everything Roxas held inside was all laid out, between him and Riku. Roxas' heart was brewing a storm. But it was too late; he couldn't warn Riku about his explosive emotions. Roxas never felt so naked or exposed. He never discussed how he felt in front of others. No one had ever stepped that far and reached that far inside him. It was relieving, but it was nerve-racking, and Roxas' heart had been sowed instead of heal, trying his hardest to pretend that he was alright and happy-go-lucky in front of his friends. The seams had been cut, and Roxas stood up defensively, backing away from Riku but staying close by him.

"NO! SHUT UP!! YOU DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?!" Roxas cried, everything spilled out, his perfect mask laying waste on the ground as the real Roxas stepped out of his shell. "YOU DON'T U-UNDERSTAND, YOU IDIOT!!!" His body shook, and Roxas felt like he was standing outside in the middle of an earth-quake, but he couldn't stop. "I DON'T BELONG ANYWHERE!!! NOT A-N-Y-W-H-E-R-E. Just ask those stupid at school!! They'll tell you!! They'll tell you that Roxas is a good-for-nothing loser, lover of the shadows, cousin of one of the great people who ever lived but too... too weak to get anywhere!!" He turned his face away. "DID YOU KNOW MY FATHER IS ASHAMED TO EVEN HAVE ME AS HIS SON?! WHY??? Because I'm not as great as Sora, and not as loving!! The only thing I got going for me is my intelligence, and even still people HATE me for that!!" Riku stood up, standing in front of Roxas. Roxas felt small beside the older teen, but he wouldn't let that show. "LEAVE ME ALONE!!" Roxas shouted suddenly, ramming into Riku to push him back. Riku stumbled backwards, but he regained his balanced and backed up a couple steps. Roxas hiccuped, and he shoved Riku back again, but no matter what Roxas did Riku would not attack back. Roxas moved his arm back and swung, hitting Riku in the eye.

"LEAVE. ME. ALONE!!" Roxas sobbed. Seizing him by the shoulders, Riku was able to make Roxas stop attacking him. Roxas looked Riku in the eyes, then the tears he contained streamed out, and Roxas could do nothing but standing there and cry, clenching his fist and sobbing. "I-I'm n-no-bb-body...j-just a n-no-bb-body...!!" Roxas blubbered, unable to speak without a tremble in his voice. Roxas shut his eyes closed tight and faced the ground. After all this time of careful concealing, how did Roxas break so easily in front of Riku? Roxas used to fear him, but he hated him, hated him for breaking him apart so easily and setting Roxas off, and yet... Riku was so... compassionate towards him. Roxas felt his entire body turn ice-cold as he felt Riku slip his arms around Roxas and embrace him.

There had never been anything like it. Ever.

Had anyone gotten that close to the boy who was called, "cold, heartless, nobody"? Certainly not, as far as Roxas could remember. Roxas never meant any of it. No. Sure, he'd been cruel to others and purposely made sure they didn't try to reach out, but that was only because no one did, and Roxas wasn't like other people. If you withdrew your hand he felt that emptiness just as much as anyone else, but out of that fear and sadness he thrusted his sword into you and made you feel that pain so you wouldn't re-approach him again. You mess up once, you lost his respect.

If you hurt Sora, Sora cries. If you hurt Roxas, he hurts you, but he cries just as hard on the inside.

He wanted to believe Riku. He did. But he also couldn't believe Riku. Well, he believed him more than anyone else, because there was no one else nearly as qualified as Riku. Anyone can say they had been through what Roxas had been through but you didn't see it in their eyes. That's what made Roxas look away from Riku. He could see everything in his eyes; he could see the happiness, but moreover the pain and the emptiness, though Roxas had not seen that in a while.

Riku understood. Riku was the only one who understood.

Roxas opened his mouth, and another hiccup came out, making Riku chuckle. Roxas could feel Riku's chest rumble when he chuckled, and somehow it calmed him down. He opened his mouth again, but didn't let the words form for Riku to hear. It was like gaining the strength to go to the top diving board at the pool, but all Roxas could do now was stare down at the water. He leaned forward, getting ready to embrace the impact when his mind pulled him back and he took a step back, his nerves unable to actually jump. More than anything Roxas hated that feeling. He breathed in softly, and then decided to speak.

"I'm sorry."

He closed his eyes, leaning against Riku more. Though Roxas never felt more free with his emotions, in a way, this was the lowest of lows. The Roxas before would have never uttered those words and meant them fully. He would have never gave up fighting. Uttering "I'm sorry" was the ultimate sign of defeat. A defeated he never tasted, though it was not as bitter as he thought it would be. Give up fighting? But was what he fighting now? Himself? ... Hadn't he been doing that the entire time?

"I-I'm sorry," he mumbled again. "I fought you for so long... and you never cared. I'm sorry I didn't say... thank you for that."

Roxas pulled away, his bangs failing to full drape over his eyes and Riku could see that his eyes were not as blue as they should be, and that there were tears running down his cheek that had never been there before, and that Roxas looked a hundred times weaker than he had ever looked, but at the same time, Riku could see a speck of light in Roxas' eyes that had never been there, not even when Roxas had pretended to be happy. Roxas was nowhere near out of the darkness pit that Riku had found him in, but at least Roxas could see the light at the top.

That was really good! On both of your behalfs! \(^w^)/ I actually read through the whole thing which is kinda big since I hae the attention span of a Squirrel, I swear ¬_¬

A firefly flew past Riku, floating aimlessly in the air and past Roxas' eyes. With a simply lift of his hand, Riku brushed Roxas' bangs again and looked him in the eyes. Nervously, Roxas brought his gaze up to Riku's, fearing the worst.

Riku never judged anyone carelessly.

"You remind me of myself, sometimes..." he hummed. Roxas thought "hummed" was a good way of describing the way Riku spoke to him, because his voice was luminous and flowing easily through the night air, but at the same time there was a certain tone to it. Not regret. Probably more thoughtfulness. It flattered Roxas. "When I keep things to myself, it's because I'm afraid that I'll disappoint Sora. He thinks I'm the strong one, you know..." Roxas nods politely. Then Riku knows he shouldn't go on this way. "Did you know that I used to be jealous of you?" he asked the now surprise Roxas, who looked a mixture of confused, curious, and doubtful. "Your writing." There was a smile on Riku's face. "Sora once showed me something you wrote for English, and I couldn't believe it. It was probably one of the most frank, well-written essays I'd ever read." With a glance at the sky, Riku recalled all the details. Roxas still couldn't find anything appropriate to say so he said nothing. He knew Riku wouldn't mind. Listening to Riku's serene, excited voice calmed Roxas down somehow; the blonde had never imagined that Riku could ever be impressed with something he wrote when he was only twelve.

"You wrote it when you were twelve, which made it even more unbelievable to me," Riku went on, almost as though he had read Roxas' mind for a moment. "When I was twelve, I used all my time in class to come up with a new prank to pull on Sora, not to actually listen or devote my focus to work." Every trace of guilt and shame that Roxas had been feeling had been replaced; Roxas wasn't sure how to feel. Riku really thought he was good?

"I love the way you write," he heard Riku tell him as Roxas stood up to stretch for a moment. Roxas pondered this. "Actually," Roxas admitted, "that's a first. Other than Sora, of course. But Sora thinks -- "

"-- that you're better than him at everything?" The two of them exchanged looks and felt the same wave of awkwardness and relief rush through. He nodded his head. "Yeah," he replied, smiling only in spite of himself. "I guess we're both in the same boat here."

"Speaking of which -- or at least Sora." Riku dusted the sand off himself, flexing his arms as he stretched his muscles. "Maybe we should head back inside. Sora might be up in a while. But Roxas?"

There is always something else, Roxas sighed to himself, as he looked at Riku again. His face looked worried. That look, Roxas knew, without having to ask. It was a pleading look. "Tell me if you're upset or something's wrong. Heck Sora, tell me anything that's on your mind. I don't want you fighting this on your own. And... I like having you to talk to. We both admire the other from afar... it's time something was done about that."

[Wow! It's really funny to see how much has changed since I came on this site! I somehow feel like my writing is completely different now than it used to be. Well, hopefully we can continue this thread, Riku, if you're up for it.]